addictions and disorders: THE UGLY TRUTH

Over 65% of American families are effected by addiction. And heres some truth for you…IT DOESN’T GO AWAY. I’m not saying you can’t get better. I’m not saying that you can’t completely recover. BUT IT DOESN’T JUST GO AWAY.

I’m not just talking about drug and alcohol; addiction either. Addiction is a disease that effects the brain and behavior. Other addictions like, compulsive over eating, anorexia, bulimia, exercise obsessions, and other compulsive disorders all fall into this addictive category. Chances are you either have suffered from addiction yourself or know someone that has.

I have personally been effected by addiction because I have friends and family that have struggled with all the above. And, I of course struggled. Not with drugs, my addictions have always been food and exercise related. And as I always say…I am in recovery. Addiction is a disease that I believe that never actually goes away. I am sharing this because I think its important for us all to understand. And, as a mother I feel the need to make my story clear so we can help eachother and of course, help our children.

I struggled with my weight early on. When I went to college I was exposed to some friends that either didn’t eat or binged and purged. With the family stress I had going on I realized that this was something I could control. It worked. I dropped weight fast. Started running so I could burn off anything that I didn’t get out of my body. This of course didn’t change any of my family issues, nor did it even make me feel any better.

I spent years going in and out of phases of anorexia, bulimia,  compulsive exercising and self hate. I ran out of money because I spent it on food to just purge or diet pills. I was doing badly at work because I was so nutrient deprived I couldn’t think well. My relationships with friends and family were strained. My world was simply collapsing over a body image and control issue. Eventually, I got help. Therapy and treatment had me gain weight back fast. Too fast. Now I felt crappy about myself all over again. Not wanting to fall back into bad eating habits I did what the therapist said. Keep busy. I sure did. I never let myself be alone. Any bored moment I had I worked out. Great….exercise Bulimia was set and I simply ignored my knee and joint pain. I was just as miserable.

As I got older, work, marriage and family took over and I was forced to slow down. I didn’t have the time. I was forced to get healthier but hadn’t totally convinced my mind.

Two years ago when I signed to be a beachbody coach it was still in my distorted mindset. I was definitely healthier.  And I was very conscious of my issues to be sure my kids didn’t notice how crappy my self image was. But I was still sick. The shakes help me drop the little extra weight I was carrying. I had seen a difference in my body from the videos. But my mind had still not transformed. I know my thinking was off. I knew I had to learn to love and appreciate my body. But until coaching, nothing had ever changed for me.

A few months into coaching I realized I was living a lie. I was giving great advise to my customers and team. I was helping them realize how amazing and beautiful they were. How the scale didn’t matter and being strong and healthy did. But, I couldn’t even get myself to believe this.

Reality slapped me in the face. I was starting to feel better about myself for sure,  but I realized how hypocritical I was being.  How could I be helping others while I couldn’t help myself. This is when I started my blog and sharing my TRUTH. I started truly opening up about my issues, The good, the bad and the ugly. It was incredibly therapeutic! I started reading personal development books. I looked deeply within myself and started to make changes to how I spoke to myself.

Fast forward to now. I still have a need to be busy. I still sometimes obsess about food. I still need to workout daily. But guess what!?

Its balanced now! I follow the programs. Watch my eating and when I mess up I don’t abuse myself, I share it. I am real. My struggle is real and I am not ashamed. The support I have gotten within the Beachbody community has truly SAVED me.

I may not be at my goal. But I love myself, I accept myself and I am healthier than I have ever been! The addict in me is still there but I have found a venue to share it and a process of my own to manage it. This means I cannot let myself obsess about the fix containers. This means I cannot over commit to workouts beyond the plan, and this means I have to keep myself surrounded by those that love and care for me, flaws and all. This means reminding myself that I am worth it even when others don’t think so.

This journey has made me realize one thing for sure. ITS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE TO INSPIRE OTHERS. Its my hope and mission to show everyone how valuable and beautiful they are. And most importantly provide the tools to help people believe in themselves. If you are struggling with addiction, self hate or simply need to change your life I hope you’ll reach out to me. Zausmer18@hotmail.com or find me on facebook at facebook.com/jennifer.zausmerterry